16 year old Carter Donahue is apparently a bit confused between my blog and Hot or Not. He commented on my last post and expressed some very deep and disturbing confusion over how to react to pictures of girls. He asked to have this addressed from a feminist perspective. I think many of my peers could benefit from such a discussion, so here goes:
First of all, feminists are not a group of people who believe all the same things. Although we share agreement in the basic principles of equality and liberty for all men and women, there are a lot of parallel issues on which we hold varying opinions as individuals. There is a lot of discussion that goes on between feminist bloggers and activists both publicly and behind the scenes on a variety of topics. There are feminists who are trying to raise awareness because they feel many feminist bloggers are focusing too much on cisgender women. Beyonce is a subject of much controversy. My friend Kimberley Johnson just wrote a very provocative piece on Monica Lewinsky.
So I can truly understand why there is confusion, especially among men. It would be absolutely impossible for me to discuss this topic in a way that clearly defines the official platform of the Feminist Party because that answer and that party simply do not exist. What I can do is explain it from an individual perspective.
I wear halter tops, short skirts, and other articles of clothing that other feminist bloggers denounce on a regular basis. I don't do this for men. I do this because I wear what I want to wear. I want other girls to know that, despite the messages they so often get, they should be able to wear what they want to wear in confidence and free from fear. I want to define the point that the conduct of men is theirs to own, not ours. I do it because sometimes, I just feel like expressing myself as a middle finger to societal pressure, conformity, and the confines that are unfairly placed on women. I'm confident enough to make myself a target for the despicable and unfounded slut-shaming I see hurting so many of my peers. Bring it on, because when I handle my business I'm not just standing up for myself, but for other women.
As an artist, I work in a very visual world. My instagram and other platforms exist to play in this visual world. It's also a way to communicate with my peers from the perspective of artistry. Yes, I do sometimes also use images to send messages, not sexual messages, but as a way to put a face to a concept. When I Snapchat, 99% of the time I am not thinking at all about how I appear, which is often as the biggest spaz of all time. But I'm a multi-facited human being and there are many parts of me I express in different ways. I've played with just about every social media platform known to humankind and I use various platforms for various purposes.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, I nor any other woman can do to control what men think. I feel that we're completely wasting our time if we're over-investing in trying to control it. It's up to us to define ourselves and our positions as individuals and to use our voices to create a collective dictionary for the world to reference. In the end it does come down to the one thing all feminists can agree on. We stand for equality and the opportunity for both men and women to make their own choices.
So to Carter Donahue and those who think as he does, this one's for you bro. Until you evolve your mindset, there is not a chance in multiple universes I would ever bingegame with you.
Brilliant. Bam. Carry on. :)
ReplyDelete(Normally, I speak in complete sentences but I think just saluting is appropriate here. I suppose I could print this out, roll it up very tightly, and smack the daylights out of some of the clueless with it.)
Typical. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're just another bitch. You said it after all. You can't control what men think. I think this is bullshit. Have fun with your middle finger because with your attitude that's all you'll ever have fun with.
ReplyDeleteCarter, you probably just need to study the English language a bit more. As it stands right now, you basically have missed the point.
DeleteSo, you're sixteen years old and you're already taking this kind of approach to communication? Do you really think this is going to serve you well in life? Do you really think that you want to take such an egocentric approach to the world? It leads to loneliness, isolation, and a lack of meaningful relationships.
DeleteYour comment goes far beyond a confusion of female imagery and instead speaks to a lack of understanding of females in general, as well as their relationship to males. The problem attitude is not Madison's, which does an admirable job of taking the time to explain to you her viewpoint, but rather yours. You have a perception that as a female she can't possibly be equal to you, and that's something you're going to have to work out yourself. By the time you're an adult, that attitude is going to be much more fixed and harder to change, and believe me.. you're going to want to change it.
No sir. Not here. What is that supposed to do? Make me afraid to speak my mind because little boys like you will react this way?
DeleteYou were begging to be addressed. You were addressed. You didn't like the way you were addressed. Sorrynotsorry.
Um. No. And now you will serve as an example for anyone who tries to pull this BS on my blog again.
Carter, your deplorable delineation in desecrating darling Madison should be deleted. Your misogyny makes you a misfit among males.
DeleteI shall stoop to your level so that you will understand....
Dipshits like you are the reason vaseline still exists. You will need it until you learn that there are more people on this planet than you. And none of them serve you. Ever.
I now return the readers of this blog to the higher level of intelligence that Madison's writing stimulates.
Um Carter. Thanks for being a typical misogynist. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're just another sexist bigot.
DeleteCarter, maybe it's time you looked at women as individuals that deserve to be treated equally to men rather than just objects that you should desire. Carter, if I were on the level you are at, I'd say have fun with your hand because no decent, intelligent girl will ever want to get near you. And do you want to know why? You need to learn to respect other people's point of views and maybe reconsider your own. You need to get beyond your male privilege and wake up and look at the world. Carter, I understand if you're sexist. You have grown up in a culture where sexism is so rooted it is in the way we talk, the way we look at others, the way we act almost instinctively from birth. And it's okay if you're sexist Carter - all of us suffer from pathological isms. What matters is that you should try to understand. And you're not doing that. And that is not okay. "You can't control what men think". That's true. None of us can control how other people think. None of us should ever have to bow down to how other people think. I'm going to draw a parallel here - Carter you seem to be confused because girls send you pictures with strapless dresses and think that's an invitation for sex. That's a dangerous line of thinking - the same kind that guys have at parties when they're slightly drunk and think that a girl who winks at them wants sex. And then they rape them. Carter, you can control how you think. And you need to start thinking in a way that considers other women as individuals who each have their own form of expression, who might like to wear strapless dresses because it is a hot summer day and nothing else. Women don't have to apologize for the way we dress. You need to reform the way you think. Your reaction to this article is very ignorant - and typical of a little boy throwing a temper tantrum. Did she just (gasp) say something you disagreed with? It's about time you respected that. It'd be better if you tell me why you think "this is bullshit" - do you think it's dumb that women should be able to express themselves? To dress the way they want? I'm really actually interested why you think particularly this is so dumb. Another "bitch" - that word is degrading. It compares women with dogs. "Have fun with your middle finger" - again implies that women exist solely for sex and that their only "fun" is getting fulfilled by sex. Again wrong. Take a look at your language and a look at your thoughts. Carter, I hope you open your eyes and start realizing the burden that society places on women and demands of us - that even today women are expected to be responsible for the way men think and act, that THAT is the reason why women don't win court cases on rape and the reason, that even today women are not paid the same as men and are considered intellectually inferior, that even today we have allowed our culture to make fun of words like "rape" and "fuck" and that men openly objectify women and say that they have an excuse and are taught that women always, always "want" them and perpetuate rape culture. There is no excuse. We don't exist as objects for your sexual pleasure. We exist as independent human being who are just as capable. Carter, if you don't have time to read Wheedon or any of the other feminist authors, I'd suggest you go on youtube and look up a policy debate round with a Feminism Kritik. Or, watch this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/marietelling/this-powerful-video-shows-men-what-it-feels-like-to-be-subje
Please watch the above. I hope it makes you learn something today. I hope it makes you more empathetic and I hope it helps you grow.
Carter, I trust that you're a good person just being led in the wrong direction.
Lewis's Law: "the comments on any article about feminism justify feminism."
DeleteToo bad Carter has no understanding of...well...anything. It must make him feel like a a big man to call a girl a bitch. Bless his heart.
This is just a warning shot. Come at me bro.
Deletehttps://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=666141050099783&set=a.103863446327549.2325.100001116835932&type=1&theater
You don't deserve a punch, little boy Carter. A good slapping would be more appropriate. Try growing up a little ... fast.
DeleteYou're embarrassing to the men with that crap.
Ugh, Carter, a confused male who thinks he should have an active voice in how women act, because no matter what he tells himself, deep down inside he knows he has a distaste for women. The reason why doesn't matter. The truth is, there will always be these He-man Womun H8ers, they will always be there barking at you from the sidelines of your world saying that you're a bitch, that you're a slut, that you're ugly or fat, or a sex object, either way those shit stains will always be there. They only have power if we give their words power, and the truth is you should do whatever you want and screw anyone who says we should do something other than that. It's a good thing the majority of men see that women are just as wonderful and brilliant as they are, maybe in their own unique way, but a valid human being with rights nonetheless. Clothing discrimination is for the No-Nudes, they keep their prudeness.It's more than about the clothes we wear, it's about people thinking they have the right to tell women how to dress and for men's reactions to our bodies to be something we should each take personally. Keep at it girl and screw the Carters of the world!
DeleteThere's really no need to waste time or attention on an immature boy. He has a lot of growing up to do and along the way, he'll get many a smackdown in his life from putting this kind of crap out there. Karma. Put crap out into the world and crap will come back and smack you in the face. That's pretty much the universe's way of telling young, underdeveloped men like Carter to "eat sh***t". When he gets tired of the taste of his own mess, he might just learn to stop dumping it out all around him.
DeleteMadison, you are an amazing young lady and you give me hope for the generations to come.
Carter is a boy. Immature and still growing in his attitudes towards women in general. He has a long way to go for sure and is in obvious need of good mentoring. Where is his dad and why is he allowed to speak in the terms he does without parental intervention?
DeleteThing is, Carter, we all have more fun with our middle fingers than you'll ever have with anyone, anywhere. But don't feel bad; it's just because our middle fingers are smarter, sexier, more successful and better all-around human beings than you've yet become. Wait, sorry; you actually probably should feel bad about that. My bad.
DeleteThat Madison can't control what you think is your misfortune. That you didn't control what you thought, or wrote, is your shame. Dude, rethink yourself.
Carter, as someone who has lived a few years, I have a little free advice for you. Grow the hell up. At sixteen, you are still dripping wet behind the ears, and to those of us who have paid our dues it is painfully obvious that you are still a child just playing around at being a man. Until you are ready to run with the big dogs, please stay on the porch. You are annoying.
DeleteSorry, women aren't going to hold themselves responsible for your bad behavior. Looks like you're going to have to take responsibility for your behavior on yourself. You seem scared.
Deletewell said
ReplyDeleteWhen you mature, Carter, you'll find that this kind of behavior just gets you a swift kick in the gonads. Now, I understand that you may be curious about what adults do with one another — but you're a child and it's inappropriate to discuss these issues with you. Tell you what, if you're curious — you should ask your dad how well insults work with attracting attention from the opposite sex. Better yet — being as this is Mother's Day — go tell your mom what you just said here and see the kind of reaction you get.
ReplyDeleteI'd tell you to grow up, but I might get my wish — if you catch my meaning.
"We've been taught a woman's body will cause men to sin. We're told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let's be clear: A woman's body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things, it is because you chose to do stupid things." - Nate Pyle
ReplyDeleteThis was a great deal. Great dress, fit to size, nice material. I am a size 6 and about 5"2 the dress fits perfectly. The dress is not forgiving so make sure you have spanks on under.
ReplyDeletewhere can I sell my wedding dress
Our entire culture objectifies women like no other in history. We are surrounded by and immersed in the objectification of women. In the past 20 years or so, that erotic objectification has slowly been applied to younger and younger girls, reaching down to Madison's age, and even younger. Is it really so surprising that a sixteen-year-old boy should be confused on the issue? I would imagine that Carter is more typical today than most would like to admit in his lack of understanding the difference between an object of Erotic desire and an IRL female. And, objectification of women leads directly to the Rape Culture. To rape a woman is to reduce her fully to the status of an object, with no human will of her own.
ReplyDeleteThanks Greg Mark. Saved me the trouble of same reply. I have worked in commercial media +30 yrs. The objectification of women is the
Deleteeasiest (read profitable) way to sell-anything to anyone. The commercial exploitation of female beauty is so universally pervasive that there is little room for speculation as to cause and effect Dear confused boys who try to figure out how to NOT respond to hyper sexualized messaging! Im working on a DIY deprogramming course: "How to Watch TV Commercials For Dummies", and- "Your Penis- Your Problem!"
This is what entrenched male privilege looks like.
ReplyDeleteDear Madison Kimrey Keep on fighting for woman hood every where I admire you and as an older woman I stand behind you 100% and will encourage all women to join you We must not let the individuals in our government take away our rights My generation and the generations before me fought long and hard to get where we are now and we depend on your generation and those who come after you to continue to fight for all And I would like to add "you go girl"
ReplyDelete