"What if our politicians weren't the bitch of the NRA?"
The first time I saw it, I cringed. The 100th time I saw it shared, my heart sank. Just now, I saw a young man post his own March for Our Lives video and copy this phrasing word for word. I cried.
What if we could express our opinions and advocate for our causes without degrading women?
See, I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch when I tell a man no. I'm a bitch for being ambitious. I'm a bitch for wanting equal rights. I'm a bitch for standing up for what I believe in. I hear from a lot of other bitches too. Some of these bitches are in elementary and middle school. They get called bitches and worse for standing up for themselves and standing for what they believe in.
I watched little girls in elementary school, some as young as kindergarten age, walk out of school for gun reform. A few days later, I woke up to breaking news, another school shooting. This time a boy shot his ex girlfriend and another student was wounded in the process.
I was here for #YesAllWomen. Remember that? That started after a mass shooting in California. "I don’t know why you girls aren't attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it," the shooter said. I've been here to see women leaders in the fight for gun reform face sexist attacks over and over and over again.
Over and over and over again there has been a commonality among perpetrators of gun violence - toxic masculinity and violence toward women. The Parkland shooter was abusive toward women.
It's 2018 and some women are choosing to take the word bitch and reclaim it as a term of empowerment. I am one of those women. Some women don't like the word at all. That is our choice as women.
But still, in 2018, what terms are so often used to insult someone? The worst thing you can call a woman is a woman and the worst thing you can call a man is a woman. I didn't come up with that one; I heard it somewhere. Welcome to the patriarchy. Do I think all men who use words in this way intend to contribute to toxic masculinity and the disempowerment of and violence against women? No, and that's exactly the point. That's the problem. This stuff is so ingrained in our culture it often passes without a second thought.
When we have young children watching the big kids, it's up to the big kids to set the right example. I don't want young boys learning that using the word bitch in a derogatory way is a cool way to get attention and applause and I don't want young girls learning that it's acceptable. I don't think it belongs in a movement for gun reform sparked by a mass shooting when between 2009 and 2014, women made up 51% of the victims of mass shootings. I don't think it belongs anywhere in our political discourse. I especially don't think that it belongs in our political discourse when women don't have equal representation in Congress nor equal rights under the Constitution.
I'll be marching this weekend with the same principles I had when I marched in the Women's March in January. I'll be speaking this weekend and doing what I always do, looking out in the crowd for little girls because maybe one of them will say, "hey, I can do that too." I'll keep fighting so that the next generation of women doesn't consider being called a bitch like it's a bad thing normal and acceptable ever again.
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Thursday, March 1, 2018
Spotlight
Oh hi. I see young people are being paid attention to once again. You're so proud of us. We're amazing. We're going to save the whole world. There are the all-too-familiar headlines, "Teenager DESTROYS Senator!" Le sigh.
So, I could write a thing now destroying the governors and senators and the president, and if I did that, it would get a lot more clicks than this post will. See, I've learned what gets your attention. I've learned that if I give you some snappy comebacks and feed your tribal urges, you will pet me and give me treats. But what I want right now is not your attention. It's your action.
When it comes to wanting young people involved, a lot of adults out there are like a little kid who wants a puppy. The idea of having a puppy is great. But after the initial excitement wears off, someone else ends up doing the real work to take care of it. Then you decide you want a kitten, or a snake, or a goldfish.
About half of voters ages 18-29 voted in the 2016 election. Around 20% voted in the 2014 midterms. Young people don't need your table scraps. We need seats at the table.
It doesn't matter how many of us walk out of school in protest or march through the streets if we're not voting. And you know if we're not voting, we're most certainly not volunteering to help register voters and get out the vote in great numbers either. If we're going to change this, we all need to work together to not only motivate and engage people, but to help others through challenges and remove some of the obstacles we face in doing the important things as well.
I once walked into a local campaign office as someone fully trained and ready to get to work. There were a few people there who knew who I was, who had called me amazing and all the other things. I didn't want to be amazing. I wanted a job. I was basically ignored on that score. Later that same day, I was downtown in another town and I bumped into an organizer who was out doing voter registration. He had no idea who I was, but he was happy to put me to work. So my parents drove me 30 minutes each way on the days I could work, in between school, rehearsals, and everything else, to my campaign office instead of the one 10 minutes from my house.
I sometimes do talks geared toward young people getting active politically. At one of them that was nonpartisan and was for middle and high school kids, the adults dominated the discussion and wanted to focus on what they felt was preventing them from beating their political opponents.
I saw a volunteer from an organization doing voter registration at an event. I asked him if he knew we had pre-registration back in NC and that he could ask all the teenagers if they were 16 and pre-register them to vote. He didn't know anything about pre-registration and said he was focusing on the people who could vote in that election. He seemed skeptical that I even knew what I was talking about.
Yet, nevertheless, she persisted. I've persisted not only because I'm passionate and motivated, but because for every one of these stories, I have another one about people who have really supported me and worked both with and for me.
You don't have to look on TV or social media to find a young activist or a young person who wants to start getting involved. They are right there in your own community.
I want to see headlines like "Record Number of Teenagers Pre-register to Vote in North Carolina," (and Florida and all the other states that have pre-registration) and "Voters Ages 18-29 Turn Out in Record Numbers for Midterm Election." I want to see some teenagers destroy some senators. I want to see that for real.
How can you be that person in your organization or at an event who is a real advocate for young people? How can you make young people welcome and really involved? How can you get involved in work young people are doing? What policies can you support that support young people? What lawmakers and candidates are supporting those policies?
Young people need you now. They needed you yesterday. They will need you tomorrow.
It is not our job to fix what you have broken. It's your duty to stand with us and our responsibility to do the work needed to fix it together.
So, I could write a thing now destroying the governors and senators and the president, and if I did that, it would get a lot more clicks than this post will. See, I've learned what gets your attention. I've learned that if I give you some snappy comebacks and feed your tribal urges, you will pet me and give me treats. But what I want right now is not your attention. It's your action.
When it comes to wanting young people involved, a lot of adults out there are like a little kid who wants a puppy. The idea of having a puppy is great. But after the initial excitement wears off, someone else ends up doing the real work to take care of it. Then you decide you want a kitten, or a snake, or a goldfish.
About half of voters ages 18-29 voted in the 2016 election. Around 20% voted in the 2014 midterms. Young people don't need your table scraps. We need seats at the table.
It doesn't matter how many of us walk out of school in protest or march through the streets if we're not voting. And you know if we're not voting, we're most certainly not volunteering to help register voters and get out the vote in great numbers either. If we're going to change this, we all need to work together to not only motivate and engage people, but to help others through challenges and remove some of the obstacles we face in doing the important things as well.
I once walked into a local campaign office as someone fully trained and ready to get to work. There were a few people there who knew who I was, who had called me amazing and all the other things. I didn't want to be amazing. I wanted a job. I was basically ignored on that score. Later that same day, I was downtown in another town and I bumped into an organizer who was out doing voter registration. He had no idea who I was, but he was happy to put me to work. So my parents drove me 30 minutes each way on the days I could work, in between school, rehearsals, and everything else, to my campaign office instead of the one 10 minutes from my house.
I sometimes do talks geared toward young people getting active politically. At one of them that was nonpartisan and was for middle and high school kids, the adults dominated the discussion and wanted to focus on what they felt was preventing them from beating their political opponents.
I saw a volunteer from an organization doing voter registration at an event. I asked him if he knew we had pre-registration back in NC and that he could ask all the teenagers if they were 16 and pre-register them to vote. He didn't know anything about pre-registration and said he was focusing on the people who could vote in that election. He seemed skeptical that I even knew what I was talking about.
Yet, nevertheless, she persisted. I've persisted not only because I'm passionate and motivated, but because for every one of these stories, I have another one about people who have really supported me and worked both with and for me.
You don't have to look on TV or social media to find a young activist or a young person who wants to start getting involved. They are right there in your own community.
I want to see headlines like "Record Number of Teenagers Pre-register to Vote in North Carolina," (and Florida and all the other states that have pre-registration) and "Voters Ages 18-29 Turn Out in Record Numbers for Midterm Election." I want to see some teenagers destroy some senators. I want to see that for real.
How can you be that person in your organization or at an event who is a real advocate for young people? How can you make young people welcome and really involved? How can you get involved in work young people are doing? What policies can you support that support young people? What lawmakers and candidates are supporting those policies?
Young people need you now. They needed you yesterday. They will need you tomorrow.
It is not our job to fix what you have broken. It's your duty to stand with us and our responsibility to do the work needed to fix it together.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Inaugural Address
As we await the inauguration of our 45th President, many feel as though this is the eve of destruction. I hope instead that this is a moment in which we begin to destroy those things within ourselves that led us here. The words legitimacy, normalizing, and resistance have been thrown around a lot lately. We need to think of these words not just as bombs we throw as weapons at targets of our fear, anger, and frustration, but as lenses through which we view ourselves.
We, as a society, have legitimized apathy and normalized inaction. We have resisted participating in our democracy. We've normalized cynicism. We've legitimized silence. We've normalized making excuses for staying in our comfort zones. We've resisted preparing, empowering, and inspiring our young people to be knowledgeable, active citizens and leaders. We've legitimized making it harder for our citizens to vote.
We have normalized violence against women. We've legitimized allowing women to be treated as second class citizens. We've resisted granting women equal rights and protections under the Constitution. We might pay lip service to ideas like consent, but when consent is given we normalize shame and when it is withheld we normalize casting a woman and all her worth aside, as if the gift of her heart and soul is not enough unless she is willing to give her body as well. We talk about equality, but resist including women and respecting women if their appearance, backgrounds, identities, disabilities, or individual choices and opinions don't align with our ideas of womanhood.
We've normalized thinking that just because LGBTQ+ citizens can get married to who we love that further vigilance and action aren't required to protect that right and to ensure we have all the other rights and protections afforded to others. We've legitimized allowing people to say they love or respect LGBTQ+ people but then tell us to sit down and shut up when we express our fears or stand up for our rights. We've resisted making sure the identities of all human beings are not delegitimized by being dismissed as lifestyle choices or something to be ashamed of or cured like a disease.
White people have legitimized the idea that whether or not black lives really matter is just another matter of opinion. We've normalized the exclusion of black history from all lives. We've legitimized allowing white people to determine which black lives are celebrated and which black lives remain hidden figures. We've resisted entering black spaces and letting the legitimate emotion of black struggles enter our spaces because it makes us uncomfortable.
We've resisted the moral imperative to ensure all citizens have access to food, clean water, housing, and health care, the most basic human needs. We've normalized inequality in access to quality education and the re-segregation of our schools. We've legitimized judging who is deserving of what so many of us take for granted and have normalized taking for granted what so many do not dare dream of having. We've resisted welcoming refugees and immigrants and ensuring they feel the same sense of security and are part of the same promise we make to children who were born here. We've normalized shirking our duty as one of the great and prosperous nations to protect the planet we all share.
We've normalized ignorance. We've resisted sharing knowledge and ideas of substance over what just so happens to illicit the most base responses from an audience at large. We've legitimized the making up of facts. We've normalized forming an opinion over a headline instead of evaluating information with critical thought. We've legitimized choosing to be entertained over being informed.
The time has come to leave the path that led us here and for each of us to quarry, chisel, and lay our stones to pave a new way. We must smooth the road of democracy to make it easier for our neighbors to travel and make sure they have good maps to help guide them. It's easy to call out a president, a senator, an organization, people on the Internet. Let us instead look within ourselves and move out from there to those closest to us, for it is what we accept as normal and legitimate in ourselves and from those we interact with every day that will be reflected as normal and legitimate in a nation built on We the People.
We have a choice as to whether we sit on the eve of destruction or stand in the dawn of awakening. To whom and to what will we transfer our power? To what ideals will we pledge our allegiance and to what ends will we go to uphold and defend them? We must choose whether we will look outwardly for heroes to save us and villains to blame or inward to transform ourselves into defenders of democracy, allies of the oppressed, vanquishers of inequality, and champions of justice. We choose whether we wish to be antagonists through inaction or protagonists in the great American story.
"Do not go gently into that good night...rage, rage against the dying of the light." - Dylan Thomas
We, as a society, have legitimized apathy and normalized inaction. We have resisted participating in our democracy. We've normalized cynicism. We've legitimized silence. We've normalized making excuses for staying in our comfort zones. We've resisted preparing, empowering, and inspiring our young people to be knowledgeable, active citizens and leaders. We've legitimized making it harder for our citizens to vote.
We have normalized violence against women. We've legitimized allowing women to be treated as second class citizens. We've resisted granting women equal rights and protections under the Constitution. We might pay lip service to ideas like consent, but when consent is given we normalize shame and when it is withheld we normalize casting a woman and all her worth aside, as if the gift of her heart and soul is not enough unless she is willing to give her body as well. We talk about equality, but resist including women and respecting women if their appearance, backgrounds, identities, disabilities, or individual choices and opinions don't align with our ideas of womanhood.
We've normalized thinking that just because LGBTQ+ citizens can get married to who we love that further vigilance and action aren't required to protect that right and to ensure we have all the other rights and protections afforded to others. We've legitimized allowing people to say they love or respect LGBTQ+ people but then tell us to sit down and shut up when we express our fears or stand up for our rights. We've resisted making sure the identities of all human beings are not delegitimized by being dismissed as lifestyle choices or something to be ashamed of or cured like a disease.
White people have legitimized the idea that whether or not black lives really matter is just another matter of opinion. We've normalized the exclusion of black history from all lives. We've legitimized allowing white people to determine which black lives are celebrated and which black lives remain hidden figures. We've resisted entering black spaces and letting the legitimate emotion of black struggles enter our spaces because it makes us uncomfortable.
We've resisted the moral imperative to ensure all citizens have access to food, clean water, housing, and health care, the most basic human needs. We've normalized inequality in access to quality education and the re-segregation of our schools. We've legitimized judging who is deserving of what so many of us take for granted and have normalized taking for granted what so many do not dare dream of having. We've resisted welcoming refugees and immigrants and ensuring they feel the same sense of security and are part of the same promise we make to children who were born here. We've normalized shirking our duty as one of the great and prosperous nations to protect the planet we all share.
We've normalized ignorance. We've resisted sharing knowledge and ideas of substance over what just so happens to illicit the most base responses from an audience at large. We've legitimized the making up of facts. We've normalized forming an opinion over a headline instead of evaluating information with critical thought. We've legitimized choosing to be entertained over being informed.
The time has come to leave the path that led us here and for each of us to quarry, chisel, and lay our stones to pave a new way. We must smooth the road of democracy to make it easier for our neighbors to travel and make sure they have good maps to help guide them. It's easy to call out a president, a senator, an organization, people on the Internet. Let us instead look within ourselves and move out from there to those closest to us, for it is what we accept as normal and legitimate in ourselves and from those we interact with every day that will be reflected as normal and legitimate in a nation built on We the People.
We have a choice as to whether we sit on the eve of destruction or stand in the dawn of awakening. To whom and to what will we transfer our power? To what ideals will we pledge our allegiance and to what ends will we go to uphold and defend them? We must choose whether we will look outwardly for heroes to save us and villains to blame or inward to transform ourselves into defenders of democracy, allies of the oppressed, vanquishers of inequality, and champions of justice. We choose whether we wish to be antagonists through inaction or protagonists in the great American story.
"Do not go gently into that good night...rage, rage against the dying of the light." - Dylan Thomas
Friday, November 11, 2016
Forward Together
When I was 12 years old, I was scared about some of the things going on in my state. I went to a Moral Monday event. I've been to many others since then. It was there I first met Rev. Dr. William Barber and it was he who first showed me how to fight.
Yes, this is a sermon and no, I am not religious, but listen to these words. The work we are about to undertake is going to require us to not allow things like our religion, our class, our gender, our political party, or any other label to divide those of us who are serious about the work we are called to undertake. Take some time when you can, listen to these words, and ask yourself where you fit into this message.
I know a lot of people are scared right now. Many are angry. I share those feelings with you. But we can't allow those feelings to overcome us and allow them to paralyze us into inaction. It is inaction that got us here in the first place. We also cannot allow these feelings to influence wrong actions.
Make no mistake, the fights we may very well be facing soon will not be easy and results will not be quick. But we can make a difference.
So let me get back to Moral Monday and the Forward Together Movement for a moment. A lot of people might be tempted to see our gatherings as protests, but they are so much more. These are opportunities to organize around issues. Representatives of organizations and people directly impacted by legislation speak to inform. We have teach-ins where people gather in small groups to share ideas on taking action. We meet new people and network with each other. We contact our legislators. We practice peaceful, non-violent, civil disobedience when our legislators, the people who are elected to represent us, refuse to listen to us and communicate with us. We mobilize people to vote. We can follow this model now, nationwide.
When it comes to my state legislature, Senate, and House of Representatives, I know how to watch them in session and when I can't watch, I know who to follow to get updates on issues. I know how to look up bills and find out who voted how and what districts those people represent.
I see a lot of people talking about elections in two years or in four years. We have elections next year. What and who is going to be on the ballot in that election in your area? Where is justice going to be on the ballot next November in your area? What is happening in your area to get justice on the ballot? What is happening in your area to allow and encourage as many people as possible to vote for justice on the ballot?
What we need to do now is organize and take action. We need to focus on issues. We need to hold our lawmakers accountable and tell them what we expect. The time for excuses as to why we can't do this is over. There is a difference between I can't and I don't want to. There is a difference between I don't know how and I'd rather stay in my comfort zone where things are easy. There is a difference between I don't have time and I'd rather spend my time doing something else.
Instead of arguing with people, gather with those people who share your vision and mobilize. Sharing productive things on social media is great to find more people to gather with you, but also share your feelings and ideas with legislators. Call them. Email them. Show up at their offices. Find organizations that work for social justice and work to help vulnerable populations, join them, and get to work.
We need to tell our legislators what we expect and give them the opportunity to do right. Even if they have done wrong in the past, we need to allow them the opportunity to hear us and change and do right. When they do wrong, they need to hear from us, every single time.
When I was 12, I saw my state legislature remove pre-registration for 16 and 17 year olds in a voting reform bill. This was wrong. I spoke out and communicated with legislators. I tried to meet with my Governor. I did not shut up. I kept speaking out. Other people saw me speaking out and decided to speak out too. The issue was brought into Federal Court along with other parts of the voting reform bill. Parts of that bill were struck down by the court and pre-registration was returned. On election day, my state elected a new Governor. That was a three year fight. That was a victory for teenagers who are Democrats, Republicans, and Independents. That was a victory for the state and the country as a whole encouraging more people to participate in democracy. That was a victory for justice.
When we organize, when we show up, when we have each other's backs, when we keep our eyes on the prize, when we don't get distracted by those who want to work against us, the victories will come. They will not come easy. They will not come fast. They will not come all at once, but they will come.
We need to be the change we want to see. We need to take the moral high ground when they don't. If we want them to change their behavior, we have to change ours. There will be people from across the political spectrum who will stand up with us. Not all people will join with us in all areas, but we have to go issue by issue, forming coalitions of support and working. Now is not the time to focus on red or blue, liberal or conservative. Now is the time to focus on right and wrong.
We have to be brave and stand up boldly with the courage of our convictions.We must try to do this in every area of our lives. At work, at school, at home, in our relationships. We must stand for those who are weak. We must stand for those who are persecuted. We must stand for those who are in danger. We do not ask for justice, we demand it. We demand it with our words and with our actions, but most importantly with our actions.
Who will stand up with me today and lead? I'm not giving up. Forward together, not one step back.
Yes, this is a sermon and no, I am not religious, but listen to these words. The work we are about to undertake is going to require us to not allow things like our religion, our class, our gender, our political party, or any other label to divide those of us who are serious about the work we are called to undertake. Take some time when you can, listen to these words, and ask yourself where you fit into this message.
I know a lot of people are scared right now. Many are angry. I share those feelings with you. But we can't allow those feelings to overcome us and allow them to paralyze us into inaction. It is inaction that got us here in the first place. We also cannot allow these feelings to influence wrong actions.
Make no mistake, the fights we may very well be facing soon will not be easy and results will not be quick. But we can make a difference.
So let me get back to Moral Monday and the Forward Together Movement for a moment. A lot of people might be tempted to see our gatherings as protests, but they are so much more. These are opportunities to organize around issues. Representatives of organizations and people directly impacted by legislation speak to inform. We have teach-ins where people gather in small groups to share ideas on taking action. We meet new people and network with each other. We contact our legislators. We practice peaceful, non-violent, civil disobedience when our legislators, the people who are elected to represent us, refuse to listen to us and communicate with us. We mobilize people to vote. We can follow this model now, nationwide.
When it comes to my state legislature, Senate, and House of Representatives, I know how to watch them in session and when I can't watch, I know who to follow to get updates on issues. I know how to look up bills and find out who voted how and what districts those people represent.
I see a lot of people talking about elections in two years or in four years. We have elections next year. What and who is going to be on the ballot in that election in your area? Where is justice going to be on the ballot next November in your area? What is happening in your area to get justice on the ballot? What is happening in your area to allow and encourage as many people as possible to vote for justice on the ballot?
What we need to do now is organize and take action. We need to focus on issues. We need to hold our lawmakers accountable and tell them what we expect. The time for excuses as to why we can't do this is over. There is a difference between I can't and I don't want to. There is a difference between I don't know how and I'd rather stay in my comfort zone where things are easy. There is a difference between I don't have time and I'd rather spend my time doing something else.
Instead of arguing with people, gather with those people who share your vision and mobilize. Sharing productive things on social media is great to find more people to gather with you, but also share your feelings and ideas with legislators. Call them. Email them. Show up at their offices. Find organizations that work for social justice and work to help vulnerable populations, join them, and get to work.
We need to tell our legislators what we expect and give them the opportunity to do right. Even if they have done wrong in the past, we need to allow them the opportunity to hear us and change and do right. When they do wrong, they need to hear from us, every single time.
When I was 12, I saw my state legislature remove pre-registration for 16 and 17 year olds in a voting reform bill. This was wrong. I spoke out and communicated with legislators. I tried to meet with my Governor. I did not shut up. I kept speaking out. Other people saw me speaking out and decided to speak out too. The issue was brought into Federal Court along with other parts of the voting reform bill. Parts of that bill were struck down by the court and pre-registration was returned. On election day, my state elected a new Governor. That was a three year fight. That was a victory for teenagers who are Democrats, Republicans, and Independents. That was a victory for the state and the country as a whole encouraging more people to participate in democracy. That was a victory for justice.
When we organize, when we show up, when we have each other's backs, when we keep our eyes on the prize, when we don't get distracted by those who want to work against us, the victories will come. They will not come easy. They will not come fast. They will not come all at once, but they will come.
We need to be the change we want to see. We need to take the moral high ground when they don't. If we want them to change their behavior, we have to change ours. There will be people from across the political spectrum who will stand up with us. Not all people will join with us in all areas, but we have to go issue by issue, forming coalitions of support and working. Now is not the time to focus on red or blue, liberal or conservative. Now is the time to focus on right and wrong.
We have to be brave and stand up boldly with the courage of our convictions.We must try to do this in every area of our lives. At work, at school, at home, in our relationships. We must stand for those who are weak. We must stand for those who are persecuted. We must stand for those who are in danger. We do not ask for justice, we demand it. We demand it with our words and with our actions, but most importantly with our actions.
Who will stand up with me today and lead? I'm not giving up. Forward together, not one step back.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
An Open Letter to Donald Trump
Dear President-Elect Trump,
I was brought up to respect the office of President of the United States. As a voting rights activist, I deeply respect and revere the opportunity we have as Americans, that has come as a result of great service and sacrifice, to exercise our most sacred civic duty and choose who represents us in government. I congratulate you on being elected to the highest office in our nation.
In your election night speech, you said, “For those who have chosen not to support me in the past, of which there were a few people, I’m reaching out to you for your guidance and your help so we can unify our great country.”
I did not support you in this election. Today, I am taking you at your word.
A transgender teenager I’m connected to on social media committed suicide at 4 AM Wednesday morning. One of my best friends went to school on Wednesday where other students were walking up to one of his Muslim classmates saying they hope he gets deported. I got another message from another friend saying that a boy grabbed a fellow student’s crotch while other boys laughed and shouted, “Make America great again.” Many kids and teenagers are very scared right now all over America, and many of their parents are scared for them. I myself am scared for my safety and my future.
While I do respect the office of President of the United States, I do not respect positions and attitudes that are violent, sexist, racist, bigoted toward the LGBTQ+ community, or discriminatory based on religion or national origin. The actions some people have chosen that result from these positions and attitudes are unacceptable and have no place in a great America. On this, I hope we can agree.
I would like to offer you some guidance and help today in unifying our great country, sir. I would like to invite you to join with me in offering the leadership our nation needs right now. This starts with denouncing, very vocally and prominently, the positions and attitudes that threaten the equality, well-being, security, and lives of our fellow citizens, especially our children and teenagers.
I know firsthand that the political world is tough. I know how hard it is to personally struggle through feelings and attitudes that aren’t in the best interest of our country or its people. I know that saying what you know will be attention-getting or well-received by your audience is easy, but digging down after deep reflection of what’s right is much harder. The past several hours have been incredibly hard for me. My audience would probably much rather read some very different words from me right now. But my country needs me now, and sir, it needs you too.
I would also like to let you, and anyone reading this, to know that it is in large part because of Hillary Clinton I am able to look forward today. It is because of her leadership and what I’ve learned while working on this campaign that I am able to put my country first today. I hope that, in your desire to unify our country, you can look past the ways in which you might differ with Secretary Clinton on policy and look to some of her outstanding examples of inclusive leadership that have, and continue to, offer hope to millions of us.
I am not religious, but I believe in forgiveness and redemption. I believe that people have the ability to change. I believe now that the time for campaigning is over and the time for governing nears, you can look at some of the rhetoric that has led to my friends reaching out to me in fear, anger, and despair and reflect on the kind of leadership these young people need from you right now. Your silence and failure to act in the face of this turmoil is complicity.
I promise you this. Moving forward, I will do my best to focus on the words you use and actions you take from this day forth and not dwell on the words and actions of the past. I promise to help my President and First Lady in any efforts to encourage our young people to actively participate in our democracy in positive ways. I’m sure there will be times when we do not agree on policy, but it is my hope that we move through the next four years agreeing on what constitutes common decency and the importance of providing positive leadership for our young people. I also promise you that I will do my duty as a citizen to continue to speak up for the young people of this country and fight for their freedom, equality, and opportunities and I will hold my lawmakers accountable for their words and actions. In the times my lawmakers fail to step up, I will stand up.
The sun has come up in the morning. Whether the view out of our windows is a shining city on a hill or the burning rubble of destruction is up to both of us, I think. You reached out for help. I am willing to help. I choose this thing not because it is easy, but because it is hard.
Forward Together,
Madison Kimrey
I was brought up to respect the office of President of the United States. As a voting rights activist, I deeply respect and revere the opportunity we have as Americans, that has come as a result of great service and sacrifice, to exercise our most sacred civic duty and choose who represents us in government. I congratulate you on being elected to the highest office in our nation.
In your election night speech, you said, “For those who have chosen not to support me in the past, of which there were a few people, I’m reaching out to you for your guidance and your help so we can unify our great country.”
I did not support you in this election. Today, I am taking you at your word.
A transgender teenager I’m connected to on social media committed suicide at 4 AM Wednesday morning. One of my best friends went to school on Wednesday where other students were walking up to one of his Muslim classmates saying they hope he gets deported. I got another message from another friend saying that a boy grabbed a fellow student’s crotch while other boys laughed and shouted, “Make America great again.” Many kids and teenagers are very scared right now all over America, and many of their parents are scared for them. I myself am scared for my safety and my future.
While I do respect the office of President of the United States, I do not respect positions and attitudes that are violent, sexist, racist, bigoted toward the LGBTQ+ community, or discriminatory based on religion or national origin. The actions some people have chosen that result from these positions and attitudes are unacceptable and have no place in a great America. On this, I hope we can agree.
I would like to offer you some guidance and help today in unifying our great country, sir. I would like to invite you to join with me in offering the leadership our nation needs right now. This starts with denouncing, very vocally and prominently, the positions and attitudes that threaten the equality, well-being, security, and lives of our fellow citizens, especially our children and teenagers.
I know firsthand that the political world is tough. I know how hard it is to personally struggle through feelings and attitudes that aren’t in the best interest of our country or its people. I know that saying what you know will be attention-getting or well-received by your audience is easy, but digging down after deep reflection of what’s right is much harder. The past several hours have been incredibly hard for me. My audience would probably much rather read some very different words from me right now. But my country needs me now, and sir, it needs you too.
I would also like to let you, and anyone reading this, to know that it is in large part because of Hillary Clinton I am able to look forward today. It is because of her leadership and what I’ve learned while working on this campaign that I am able to put my country first today. I hope that, in your desire to unify our country, you can look past the ways in which you might differ with Secretary Clinton on policy and look to some of her outstanding examples of inclusive leadership that have, and continue to, offer hope to millions of us.
I am not religious, but I believe in forgiveness and redemption. I believe that people have the ability to change. I believe now that the time for campaigning is over and the time for governing nears, you can look at some of the rhetoric that has led to my friends reaching out to me in fear, anger, and despair and reflect on the kind of leadership these young people need from you right now. Your silence and failure to act in the face of this turmoil is complicity.
I promise you this. Moving forward, I will do my best to focus on the words you use and actions you take from this day forth and not dwell on the words and actions of the past. I promise to help my President and First Lady in any efforts to encourage our young people to actively participate in our democracy in positive ways. I’m sure there will be times when we do not agree on policy, but it is my hope that we move through the next four years agreeing on what constitutes common decency and the importance of providing positive leadership for our young people. I also promise you that I will do my duty as a citizen to continue to speak up for the young people of this country and fight for their freedom, equality, and opportunities and I will hold my lawmakers accountable for their words and actions. In the times my lawmakers fail to step up, I will stand up.
The sun has come up in the morning. Whether the view out of our windows is a shining city on a hill or the burning rubble of destruction is up to both of us, I think. You reached out for help. I am willing to help. I choose this thing not because it is easy, but because it is hard.
Forward Together,
Madison Kimrey
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Your Apathy Is Killing Us
When you're an activist of any type, you know that those moments when mainstream media covers your issue, whatever it is, you've got a very small window to get the viewers and readers of those stories to turn from passive consumers into action takers. It's very easy to get people to comment on stories. It's a little harder to get people to share information. It's really, really hard to get people to take action and contact a legislator. It should not be this hard.
When a big story hits, your inbox goes crazy. Mixed in with information about what other people in your networks are doing and people asking you legitimate questions are some of the most vile and disgusting messages. These range from the ridiculous to rape threats and death threats.
Worse than this are the people who know you and actively try to discourage you. Yesterday, an activist I know got messages that she was going overboard with her gunsense information and call to action posts, in the wake of a great tragedy and on a day when it was especially important to get as much legislative contact from the public at large as possible.
Worse than this is the silence from people who, when you need them to show up, are nowhere to be found.
People need us now. They need you now. They need you every day. They need you to show up.
Young activists are tired of you talking about the future. We are here and now and trying to make a difference right now. Where are you?
There are those in the LGBTQ+ community who are scared and hurt. Some of these people are out and some are not, but knowing that someone cares about them enough to publicly take action on their behalf to show support could be the ray of sunshine that cuts through the clouds and reminds them that someone cares and helps them go on. Where are you?
If you are tired of excuses from our legislators as to why they can't do anything, where are you?
Stop making excuses. Stop being a coward. Inform yourself and take just one moment out of your life to do something. Have somebody's back. Show somebody you have their back.
Here are the emails, phone numbers, and Twitter handles of every member of Congress:
CLICK HERE TO CONTACT LEGISLATORS
This is the easiest thing in the world you can do.
This will take less than five minutes.
Seriously, all you have to do is call or email or tweet and say "I care about this thing."
What do you care about? What important things do you care about? Show up.
Thoughts and prayers are for you. Do something for somebody else.
Your silence hurts. Your silence kills.
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Call Me a Bitch
I posted this quote and received the following comment:
"But then people get on you for being a bitch and it becomes another problem. Gotta find a middle ground."
No. No women don't have to find middle ground when faced with sexism and misogyny. Finding middle ground requires respect. No one who calls me a bitch for standing up for myself is interested in finding middle ground. This comment also implies that when a man calls a woman a female dog, she should internalize that comment and adjust her behavior to his liking.
Some men have the audacity, as a result of growing up in a society that endows them with privilege, to believe that they can treat women any way they want without consequence. They believe that degrading women by calling them names or otherwise implying that a woman who commands or demands respect is undesirable is a legitimate way to empower themselves. When women talk about the issues we face, they come in to our spaces to argue against the importance or even the existence of these issues.
A friend of mine posted another quote shortly after I posted the one above.
Anyone who is truly interested in furthering the cause of equality and in empowering men and women will take the responsibility to inform themselves seriously. Anyone who expects me to take them seriously will undertake that responsibility with respect. Otherwise, prepare to meet a bitch who doesn't care what you call her.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Bathroom Things
While scrolling through my feed this week, I came across a post saying that talking about the "bathroom things" is not good political strategy in one person's opinion. That talking about it, "helps us lose."
In the words of Attorney General Loretta Lynch, "This action is about a great deal more than just bathrooms. This is about the dignity and respect we accord our fellow citizens and the laws that we, as a people and a country, have enacted to protect them - indeed, to protect all of us. And it's about the founding ideals that have led this country - haltingly but inexorably - in the direction of fairness, inclusion, and equality for all Americans."
Republicans are using fear and discrimination to rally support from their base in order to increase their chances of winning in November. They are using the most vulnerable and marginalized among us as their pawns and not caring if they are sacrificed. To them, it's just a game.
We must ask ourselves, is this what we are? Are we merely opponents playing the same game? Are our actions just moves in an attempt to win a round?
Real people are hurt by the "bathroom things." They are hurt by the bullying and discrimination that leads to depression and suicide and violence. There are people advocating carrying guns and even using pepper spray against transgender people who enter a bathroom. This is not a game.
The battles we've fought for civil rights in this country have never been easy. The victories that have led to expanded rights and opportunities for our neighbors have come from those with the courage to take a stand. They've come as a result of bloodshed and imprisonment. They have come at the expense of lost friendships, broken family bonds, and yes, even lost elections. They've not come instantly, but as a result of being patient and persistent. They've come from those who have had the strength to march on, even when what's right is not what's popular.
Now, our President has shown the courage to talk about the "bathroom things" and stand up for all public school students across the country. In doing this, President Obama has not only shown his willingness to fight against bullying and discrimination, but that he believes in all of us. He believes we will also demonstrate the courage of our convictions and stand up to those who refuse to acknowledge that a trans woman is a woman and a trans man is a man. He believes we will stand up whenever someone starts talking about "boys in the girls' bathroom." President Obama believes that we will march on.
Yes, the stakes in this election are high. We must do our part to elect representatives that will continue to protect and expand civil rights. But we must also look forward to the elections of the future. There was a time when people advocated segregated water fountains. Now, saying something like that in public is almost unheard of because enough people, over time, became members of the chorus of voices speaking out against those kinds of discriminatory actions and attitudes. It took time, but we changed the reality millions of Americans have to deal with in their daily lives, and it has been reflected in our politics.
Regardless of the outcome of this or any election, we will march on. It's not enough to say, "We are not this." We also have to define who we are.
Yes we can.
In the words of Attorney General Loretta Lynch, "This action is about a great deal more than just bathrooms. This is about the dignity and respect we accord our fellow citizens and the laws that we, as a people and a country, have enacted to protect them - indeed, to protect all of us. And it's about the founding ideals that have led this country - haltingly but inexorably - in the direction of fairness, inclusion, and equality for all Americans."
Republicans are using fear and discrimination to rally support from their base in order to increase their chances of winning in November. They are using the most vulnerable and marginalized among us as their pawns and not caring if they are sacrificed. To them, it's just a game.
We must ask ourselves, is this what we are? Are we merely opponents playing the same game? Are our actions just moves in an attempt to win a round?
Real people are hurt by the "bathroom things." They are hurt by the bullying and discrimination that leads to depression and suicide and violence. There are people advocating carrying guns and even using pepper spray against transgender people who enter a bathroom. This is not a game.
The battles we've fought for civil rights in this country have never been easy. The victories that have led to expanded rights and opportunities for our neighbors have come from those with the courage to take a stand. They've come as a result of bloodshed and imprisonment. They have come at the expense of lost friendships, broken family bonds, and yes, even lost elections. They've not come instantly, but as a result of being patient and persistent. They've come from those who have had the strength to march on, even when what's right is not what's popular.
Now, our President has shown the courage to talk about the "bathroom things" and stand up for all public school students across the country. In doing this, President Obama has not only shown his willingness to fight against bullying and discrimination, but that he believes in all of us. He believes we will also demonstrate the courage of our convictions and stand up to those who refuse to acknowledge that a trans woman is a woman and a trans man is a man. He believes we will stand up whenever someone starts talking about "boys in the girls' bathroom." President Obama believes that we will march on.
Yes, the stakes in this election are high. We must do our part to elect representatives that will continue to protect and expand civil rights. But we must also look forward to the elections of the future. There was a time when people advocated segregated water fountains. Now, saying something like that in public is almost unheard of because enough people, over time, became members of the chorus of voices speaking out against those kinds of discriminatory actions and attitudes. It took time, but we changed the reality millions of Americans have to deal with in their daily lives, and it has been reflected in our politics.
Regardless of the outcome of this or any election, we will march on. It's not enough to say, "We are not this." We also have to define who we are.
Yes we can.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Go Fish
If Hillary Clinton were a man, I don’t think she’d get five percent of the vote. The only thing she’s got going is the woman’s card." - Donald Trump
Let's play.
The King: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, "It's not women's liberation. It's women's and men's liberation."
The Queen: Hillary Clinton, "I have always believed women are not victims; we are agents of change, we are drivers of progress, we are makers of peace- all we need is a fighting chance."
The Jack: Wendy Davis, "Women all over the country deserve leaders that care, that listen, and that work to protect their interests."
The Ace: Gloria Steinem, "Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon."
The 2: Cecile Richards, "If [women] aren't at the table, we're on the menu."
The 3: Madeline Albright, "People everywhere, including the United States, are still prone to accept stereotypes, eager to believe what we want to believe, anxious to believe while others take the lead, seeking to avoid both responsibility and risk."
The 4: Elizabeth Warren, "Do you have any idea what year it is? Did you fall down, hit your head, and woke up in the 1950's? Or the 1890's? Should we call for a doctor?"
The 5: Kirsten Gillibrand, "We need more consensus-builders, we need people who will listen more, who are less ego-driven and partisan."
The 6: Nancy Pelosi, "Women are leaders everywhere you look- from the CEO who runs a Fortune 500 company to the housewife who raises her children and heads her household. Our country was built by strong women, and we will continue to break down walls and defy stereotypes."
The 7: Loretta Lynch, "It's the choices you make and the things you're willing to accept and not accept that define who you are."
The 8: Claire McCaskill, "It’s important to me to encourage more women to run for office…But equally important is encouraging more men to sometimes just shut the hell up. It’s not that women don’t value your thoughts, it’s just that we don’t value all of them."
The 9: Rachel Maddow, "I can't be frustrated with you because you're stupid but I can be mad at you because you're evil."
Go Fish, Donald.
Let's play.
The King: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, "It's not women's liberation. It's women's and men's liberation."
The Queen: Hillary Clinton, "I have always believed women are not victims; we are agents of change, we are drivers of progress, we are makers of peace- all we need is a fighting chance."
The Jack: Wendy Davis, "Women all over the country deserve leaders that care, that listen, and that work to protect their interests."
The Ace: Gloria Steinem, "Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon."
The 2: Cecile Richards, "If [women] aren't at the table, we're on the menu."
The 3: Madeline Albright, "People everywhere, including the United States, are still prone to accept stereotypes, eager to believe what we want to believe, anxious to believe while others take the lead, seeking to avoid both responsibility and risk."
The 4: Elizabeth Warren, "Do you have any idea what year it is? Did you fall down, hit your head, and woke up in the 1950's? Or the 1890's? Should we call for a doctor?"
The 5: Kirsten Gillibrand, "We need more consensus-builders, we need people who will listen more, who are less ego-driven and partisan."
The 6: Nancy Pelosi, "Women are leaders everywhere you look- from the CEO who runs a Fortune 500 company to the housewife who raises her children and heads her household. Our country was built by strong women, and we will continue to break down walls and defy stereotypes."
The 7: Loretta Lynch, "It's the choices you make and the things you're willing to accept and not accept that define who you are."
The 8: Claire McCaskill, "It’s important to me to encourage more women to run for office…But equally important is encouraging more men to sometimes just shut the hell up. It’s not that women don’t value your thoughts, it’s just that we don’t value all of them."
The 9: Rachel Maddow, "I can't be frustrated with you because you're stupid but I can be mad at you because you're evil."
Go Fish, Donald.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Qualifications
Yesterday, I wrote about the relationship between women advocating for their own pleasure and advocating for their own power. Last month, I wrote about the underlying sexism directed at women, Hillary supporters in particular, who are active in the political sphere.
Yesterday, Senator Bernie Sanders laid out reasons he disagreed with Secretary Clinton at a rally in Philadelphia. But that's not all he did. He said she is unqualified to be President of the United States.
This morning, I posted the following on Facebook: "Sexism: When a Wellsley and Yale Law graduate who served in the Senate and as Secretary of State and has both more delegates and more total votes than a man does is called unqualified."
My sentiment was posted in solidarity with many other women who support Hillary Clinton and even some women who support Bernie Sanders. The reactions many of us have gotten after expressing ourselves on this matter: "What he said wasn't sexist."
Let's say I go to a club with one of my girlfriends. We're having a good time when a guy comes up behind us and puts his hands on both of our rear ends. My friend doesn't mind. I turn around and tell the guy off. He says, "She didn't mind, so you shouldn't mind."
Many would be quick to defend my decision to treat his behavior as sexist because it was overt. But when the sexism is more subtle, it suddenly becomes okay to dismiss a woman expressing that an action or behavior has made her feel disempowered. And when these sentiments are expressed in the political arena, further attempts to disempower a woman by devaluing her feelings are defended as a mere difference of opinion.
When we tell you how we feel you don't believe us unless you agree with us.
Now please continue to mansplain to me how rape culture isn't connected to our politics and talk about how unqualified I am to make my own decisions about my own body, attempting to shame me when I don't make decisions you like.
Also, for those who didn't like my choice of Beyoncé yesterday:
Yesterday, Senator Bernie Sanders laid out reasons he disagreed with Secretary Clinton at a rally in Philadelphia. But that's not all he did. He said she is unqualified to be President of the United States.
This morning, I posted the following on Facebook: "Sexism: When a Wellsley and Yale Law graduate who served in the Senate and as Secretary of State and has both more delegates and more total votes than a man does is called unqualified."
My sentiment was posted in solidarity with many other women who support Hillary Clinton and even some women who support Bernie Sanders. The reactions many of us have gotten after expressing ourselves on this matter: "What he said wasn't sexist."
Let's say I go to a club with one of my girlfriends. We're having a good time when a guy comes up behind us and puts his hands on both of our rear ends. My friend doesn't mind. I turn around and tell the guy off. He says, "She didn't mind, so you shouldn't mind."
Many would be quick to defend my decision to treat his behavior as sexist because it was overt. But when the sexism is more subtle, it suddenly becomes okay to dismiss a woman expressing that an action or behavior has made her feel disempowered. And when these sentiments are expressed in the political arena, further attempts to disempower a woman by devaluing her feelings are defended as a mere difference of opinion.
When we tell you how we feel you don't believe us unless you agree with us.
Now please continue to mansplain to me how rape culture isn't connected to our politics and talk about how unqualified I am to make my own decisions about my own body, attempting to shame me when I don't make decisions you like.
Also, for those who didn't like my choice of Beyoncé yesterday:
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
The Body Politic
Just about every girl in health class or in sex education, even in abstinence only sex ed, learns about menstruation. Do you know what girls aren't learning? They aren't learning that the way to tell if a guy likes you or not isn't whether he still wants to talk to you after you give him a blow job.
In the absence of any real connection to female empowerment, yet another generation of women is starting to have sexual experiences that are focused solely on men. While we need to continue to take action to improve outcomes for future generations through comprehensive sex education that encourages women to advocate for their own pleasure, we also need to take action to improve outcomes through civics education that encourages women to advocate for their own power. When a girl answers a question about her first sexual experience with, "I think my body looked okay, he seemed to enjoy it," that's not just a reflection of our prudity when it comes to women's bodies. It's a reflection of our politics.
When women turn down a man's advances because we don't like their actions, we get blamed and told we have a bitchy attitude. When we show up at the Governor's Mansion to demonstrate for our reproductive rights, we're given a plate of cookies and told, "God bless you." We shouldn't dress too provocatively because if we do we're both "asking for it" and undesirable at the same time. We shouldn't shout when we're giving a stump speech because that makes us unelectable but we shouldn't speak too softly because then we're not powerful enough to lead. When we have the audacity to expect those we choose to be intimate with to be intimate with us, we're dirty whores. When we have the audacity to expect those who are elected to represent us to protect our rights and access to services, we're dirty whores.
When young women are confused about whether or not to send a picture when a guy asks for it, when they don't enjoy sex at all but feel like "getting sex out of the way quickly" is the only way to get their boyfriends to watch a movie, when they pinkie promise their fathers that they'll remain virgins until marriage instead of deciding for themselves what they want, they relinquish power. When young men turn to pornography for sex education, when they base their identities on what they can take from women, when they label and value women based on what they will or won't do in the bedroom, they learn that objectifying and coercing is the way to attempt to obtain pleasure and power. If more women start to truly respect and value ourselves, we'll expect men to do it too. If more men start to truly value and respect women, they'll expect other men to do it too. This is on the top 10 list of what Conservatives are most afraid of. If the patriarchy breaks down, if rape culture breaks down, and if equality advances, they will be the ones relinquishing their power.
I'm thrilled period politics are on-trend for Spring. Those of us women who get it need to continue to demonstrate that we're not ashamed to not only talk about our bodies but are also not afraid to demand our legislators listen to us talk about it. Talking about periods, something young women regularly experience, are informed about, and therefore can relate to, and directly relating this with the laws that are designed to regulate our bodies and the lawmakers who attempt to enact them is a powerful demonstration that young women won't get in their Civics 101 textbooks. And maybe, just maybe, if we can continue to demonstrate to young women that we're capable of demanding that our lawmakers respect us through deeds not words, it can help them to be more confident in demanding respect through deeds in their personal relationships too.
Our society should not be working based on a system of coercion, control, and relinquished power, but more like this:
Friday, March 25, 2016
Destinations
It feels only right to start this post here on my little blog. This started because of an attack on the LGBTQ+ community that forced me to not only pay attention to what was going on around me, but to find my place in the issues and decide how I, at barely twelve years old, fit into those issues and could take action. Almost three years later, my journey has taken me places I never could have imagined back then. My destination point today is my state passing one of the worst pieces of discrimination legislation.
This is not a total shock to me. I knew a month ago we were in danger. Let me explain why I, as a straight cisgender woman, am using the term "we" here. I listened as much as I could to the proceedings on HB2. While listening to the public testimony before the judiciary committee, a girl my age said this as transcribed by Indy Week:
"'Changing in front of my girl peers is already stressful enough due to societal standards from Hollywood etc. Now the possibility of males changing alongside of me makes me even more self conscious.' Girls should never be forced to undress in front of boys. She says being a teenage girl is as confusing as being confused about your gender orientation, and that she has rights not be forced to change next to boys. 'You shouldn't change laws to punish and single out most of us.' This is a threat to her safety. Knowing a man could easily walk into a bathroom is completely frightening. There is no stopping what people may do. Charlotte is the first city and if lawmakers don't fix this more would follow. I am not the only girl who is scared, we deserve protection."
Over the last three years, my journey has involved many destinations. After starting to get involved standing up against LGBTQ+ discrimination, some of the first issues I found my place in were a woman's right to a safe abortion and rape culture. I've written a little on the inherent sexism often involved in the stereotyping of teen dating and how it negatively impacts both men and women. I've written a lot about slut shaming and the ridiculous dress codes that treat female bodies as impediments to the education of boys. I've written about equal pay, undergarments, and Conservative women trying to impose their life choices on other women and about the Equal Rights Amendment. I've written about the adult war on teen sexuality and how we are being failed by not being provided with adequate, comprehensive sex education. Of course, I've written a lot about voting rights, the regressive actions of the North Carolina state legislature, and the failure of Pat McCrory to exemplify the qualities of leadership our young people deserve after he called me a prop at the age of 12. I've also written a lot about the importance of young people getting involved in creating the future in which we will lead by getting involved in the political process.
The public testimony made by that teenage girl in support of the bullying and discrimination of the LGBTQ+ community brought home why it's so important to continue to speak out on all of these issues. Her testimony highlights why the work feminists do is important not only to continue to expand rights and opportunities for women, but to expand rights and opportunities for all.
The reason that girl is so stressed out over the "societal standards" she perceives as coming from Hollywood that she feels uncomfortable changing in front of her peers is because she has been taught to judge her body against others based on what men are supposedly supposed to want and has been given no alternative. Yeah honey, that's not just Hollywood, that's patriarchy, and it is ingrained in many elements of society, not just the entertainment industry. It's also why she can't see gender in any other way than through the most simplistic definitions of girls and boys. She can't understand that a trans woman is not a man and is just as much a woman as she is because she's been taught gender is based on genitalia. She doesn't understand how she is contributing to rape culture by disempowering not only women with her assertion the mere act of being a teenage girl is confusing just because she's confused, but she's also disempowering men by her assertion that everyone in possession of a penis is a threat and we should all fear all penises. She also doesn't understand that when a transgender woman enters a woman's bathroom or locker room, it's not because she is confused about her gender orientation. It's because that woman has determined her gender identity and feels safer and more comfortable peeing and changing around others who share her gender identity.
I'm not ashamed of my body. I'm not uncomfortable changing in front of anyone. I'm not uncomfortable in a bathroom stall when others are in the bathroom. I'm not threatened as a teenage girl by the idea of sharing a bathroom or changing in front of someone who might or might not have different body parts than I do. I'm threatened by my lawmakers.
I understand that the answer to combating rape culture is not fear culture. There is nothing legislating bigotry will do to prevent sex offenders from sex offending. When a woman, or a man, is sexually assaulted or raped, the person is responsible is the assailant or rapist. Sexual assault and rape occurs in every setting imaginable. There are laws against sexual assault and rape, whether it occurs in a bathroom, changing room, school, church, home, wherever. I know we will never prevent all rapes or assaults, but the way to prevent more of them is to strengthen these laws and to make sure that victims have equal standing in court, regardless of gender. We should be investing in testing rape kits instead of in special legislative sessions for the sole purpose of passing discrimination laws that only contribute to making it more dangerous for the LGBTQ+ community, who is at increased risk for sexual assault, especially in light of the fact passing non-discrimination ordinances that guarantee access to bathrooms have not resulted in increased cases in sexual assault. I'm aware that a lack of sex education, and the fact that even when sex education is offered it is often extremely lacking and reflects inequality in terms of what young men and young women are respectively taught, contributes to negative outcomes.
It took around 12 hours yesterday to move HB2 from committee, through the House and Senate, and to be signed by Governor Pat McCrory. The fight ahead of us, not just in terms of having this law overturned by the courts, but also in fighting against the attitudes and ignorance that creates unacceptable outcomes for not just the LGBTQ+ community, but for all of us.
It was discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community that started me on my journey, and the latest actions of NC Republicans have awoken many citizens not just around the state but around the nation who, some for the very first time, are asking what they can do to stop the assault on our rights. My hope is that many of these people will start journeys of their own. I hope that as they realize how long the path is, they do not get so wary they permanently drop by the wayside. That's what the legislators who continue to attack our rights are counting on.
It's not good enough to express your outrage today and quit. Constant vigilance and regular action is required. Even if you're not eligible to vote, you can volunteer. You can contact lawmakers. You can inform your friends, family, and neighbors and hold them accountable. You can donate. I've been doing all of these things since the age of 12 and I have continued to do them along with school, a continuous string of theatre productions and other extracurricular activities, a public speaking schedule, my writing, and a social life. You have zero excuses.
We can't get so wrapped up in what we're fighting against and who we're fighting against that we lose sight of what we're fighting for. The things I and other feminists fight for are things that can help generations to come grow up in a more equal and inclusive society. Young people like the one who, through her public testimony, demonstrate that bigoted attitudes toward the LGBTQ+ community are intertwined with attitudes shaped by policies that are anti-equality not just towards the LGBTQ+ community but towards all men and women, deserve better. They deserve better education, stronger laws and the equality under the law necessary to fight discrimination, the right to decide what to do with their own bodies, and a culture that empowers them.
Start today. Start a journey. Find yourself in an issue. Don't quit. Stay woke.
I end a lot of these posts with music videos. As I thought about my own journey leading up to today, I pulled up a Spotify playlist I made back in my early days as a writer. Since this is a marathon, not a sprint: here you go.
This is not a total shock to me. I knew a month ago we were in danger. Let me explain why I, as a straight cisgender woman, am using the term "we" here. I listened as much as I could to the proceedings on HB2. While listening to the public testimony before the judiciary committee, a girl my age said this as transcribed by Indy Week:
"'Changing in front of my girl peers is already stressful enough due to societal standards from Hollywood etc. Now the possibility of males changing alongside of me makes me even more self conscious.' Girls should never be forced to undress in front of boys. She says being a teenage girl is as confusing as being confused about your gender orientation, and that she has rights not be forced to change next to boys. 'You shouldn't change laws to punish and single out most of us.' This is a threat to her safety. Knowing a man could easily walk into a bathroom is completely frightening. There is no stopping what people may do. Charlotte is the first city and if lawmakers don't fix this more would follow. I am not the only girl who is scared, we deserve protection."
Over the last three years, my journey has involved many destinations. After starting to get involved standing up against LGBTQ+ discrimination, some of the first issues I found my place in were a woman's right to a safe abortion and rape culture. I've written a little on the inherent sexism often involved in the stereotyping of teen dating and how it negatively impacts both men and women. I've written a lot about slut shaming and the ridiculous dress codes that treat female bodies as impediments to the education of boys. I've written about equal pay, undergarments, and Conservative women trying to impose their life choices on other women and about the Equal Rights Amendment. I've written about the adult war on teen sexuality and how we are being failed by not being provided with adequate, comprehensive sex education. Of course, I've written a lot about voting rights, the regressive actions of the North Carolina state legislature, and the failure of Pat McCrory to exemplify the qualities of leadership our young people deserve after he called me a prop at the age of 12. I've also written a lot about the importance of young people getting involved in creating the future in which we will lead by getting involved in the political process.
The public testimony made by that teenage girl in support of the bullying and discrimination of the LGBTQ+ community brought home why it's so important to continue to speak out on all of these issues. Her testimony highlights why the work feminists do is important not only to continue to expand rights and opportunities for women, but to expand rights and opportunities for all.
The reason that girl is so stressed out over the "societal standards" she perceives as coming from Hollywood that she feels uncomfortable changing in front of her peers is because she has been taught to judge her body against others based on what men are supposedly supposed to want and has been given no alternative. Yeah honey, that's not just Hollywood, that's patriarchy, and it is ingrained in many elements of society, not just the entertainment industry. It's also why she can't see gender in any other way than through the most simplistic definitions of girls and boys. She can't understand that a trans woman is not a man and is just as much a woman as she is because she's been taught gender is based on genitalia. She doesn't understand how she is contributing to rape culture by disempowering not only women with her assertion the mere act of being a teenage girl is confusing just because she's confused, but she's also disempowering men by her assertion that everyone in possession of a penis is a threat and we should all fear all penises. She also doesn't understand that when a transgender woman enters a woman's bathroom or locker room, it's not because she is confused about her gender orientation. It's because that woman has determined her gender identity and feels safer and more comfortable peeing and changing around others who share her gender identity.
I'm not ashamed of my body. I'm not uncomfortable changing in front of anyone. I'm not uncomfortable in a bathroom stall when others are in the bathroom. I'm not threatened as a teenage girl by the idea of sharing a bathroom or changing in front of someone who might or might not have different body parts than I do. I'm threatened by my lawmakers.
I understand that the answer to combating rape culture is not fear culture. There is nothing legislating bigotry will do to prevent sex offenders from sex offending. When a woman, or a man, is sexually assaulted or raped, the person is responsible is the assailant or rapist. Sexual assault and rape occurs in every setting imaginable. There are laws against sexual assault and rape, whether it occurs in a bathroom, changing room, school, church, home, wherever. I know we will never prevent all rapes or assaults, but the way to prevent more of them is to strengthen these laws and to make sure that victims have equal standing in court, regardless of gender. We should be investing in testing rape kits instead of in special legislative sessions for the sole purpose of passing discrimination laws that only contribute to making it more dangerous for the LGBTQ+ community, who is at increased risk for sexual assault, especially in light of the fact passing non-discrimination ordinances that guarantee access to bathrooms have not resulted in increased cases in sexual assault. I'm aware that a lack of sex education, and the fact that even when sex education is offered it is often extremely lacking and reflects inequality in terms of what young men and young women are respectively taught, contributes to negative outcomes.
It took around 12 hours yesterday to move HB2 from committee, through the House and Senate, and to be signed by Governor Pat McCrory. The fight ahead of us, not just in terms of having this law overturned by the courts, but also in fighting against the attitudes and ignorance that creates unacceptable outcomes for not just the LGBTQ+ community, but for all of us.
It was discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community that started me on my journey, and the latest actions of NC Republicans have awoken many citizens not just around the state but around the nation who, some for the very first time, are asking what they can do to stop the assault on our rights. My hope is that many of these people will start journeys of their own. I hope that as they realize how long the path is, they do not get so wary they permanently drop by the wayside. That's what the legislators who continue to attack our rights are counting on.
It's not good enough to express your outrage today and quit. Constant vigilance and regular action is required. Even if you're not eligible to vote, you can volunteer. You can contact lawmakers. You can inform your friends, family, and neighbors and hold them accountable. You can donate. I've been doing all of these things since the age of 12 and I have continued to do them along with school, a continuous string of theatre productions and other extracurricular activities, a public speaking schedule, my writing, and a social life. You have zero excuses.
We can't get so wrapped up in what we're fighting against and who we're fighting against that we lose sight of what we're fighting for. The things I and other feminists fight for are things that can help generations to come grow up in a more equal and inclusive society. Young people like the one who, through her public testimony, demonstrate that bigoted attitudes toward the LGBTQ+ community are intertwined with attitudes shaped by policies that are anti-equality not just towards the LGBTQ+ community but towards all men and women, deserve better. They deserve better education, stronger laws and the equality under the law necessary to fight discrimination, the right to decide what to do with their own bodies, and a culture that empowers them.
Start today. Start a journey. Find yourself in an issue. Don't quit. Stay woke.
I end a lot of these posts with music videos. As I thought about my own journey leading up to today, I pulled up a Spotify playlist I made back in my early days as a writer. Since this is a marathon, not a sprint: here you go.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Multiple Choice
It's a lazy Saturday morning, cold outside, raining, and I happened to click on a friend's link to a site full of online quizzes. We've all taken them. Sometimes it's fun to share them with our friends. Seeing some of the ones that were created on this site though and knowing that many of them were created by young people made me weep a little for humanity. So, I've decided to provide some answers on the topics, no multiple choice needed.
How much sleep do you need? Infinite amounts I will never obtain.
What kind of woman are you? One who doesn't need a quiz to figure this out.
How big is your banana? Cannot even.
What reactions should your profile pic trigger? Currently: votes.
How far would you go for love? The refrigerator is about 15 feet away.
Are you easy? Easy to piss off with this misogynistic bullshit, yes.
Of 229 people, how many are willing to go out with you? 538 and the answer is no.
What Barack Obama thinks about you? He seemed to like me okay.
What's the best part about kissing you? I kiss like I organize.
Who dreams of being spanked by you? I like to think I haunt the nightmares of at least one elected official.
What is your warning message to others? If more people don't stand up for comprehensive sex education, the number of these ridiculous quiz topics is going to continue to grow.
What is your market value according to the opposite sex? Currently about 79 cents for each dollar a man earns and as much as 2 million dollars less over the course of my career.
How much sleep do you need? Infinite amounts I will never obtain.
What kind of woman are you? One who doesn't need a quiz to figure this out.
How big is your banana? Cannot even.
What reactions should your profile pic trigger? Currently: votes.
How far would you go for love? The refrigerator is about 15 feet away.
Are you easy? Easy to piss off with this misogynistic bullshit, yes.
Of 229 people, how many are willing to go out with you? 538 and the answer is no.
What Barack Obama thinks about you? He seemed to like me okay.
What's the best part about kissing you? I kiss like I organize.
Who dreams of being spanked by you? I like to think I haunt the nightmares of at least one elected official.
What is your warning message to others? If more people don't stand up for comprehensive sex education, the number of these ridiculous quiz topics is going to continue to grow.
What is your market value according to the opposite sex? Currently about 79 cents for each dollar a man earns and as much as 2 million dollars less over the course of my career.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Mysogyny Isn't Your Color BTW
I wear black a lot. I like red lipstick. I don't answer texts and messages right away always. And I support Hillary Clinton for President.
Those things I listed there are just a few of the things men have recently taken it upon themselves to mansplain what they feel is wrong with me. Most people would agree that a man trying to dictate how a woman behaves or what she does with or how she displays her own body is sexism. Many men are quick to jump on the bros when this overt sexism occurs. But when men attempt to belittle the political opinions of women and badger their way into our spaces and conversations, many of you guys are not so quick to holler at your boys. And you are especially slow on the trigger to holler at your boys when they come at us girls who support Hillary.
Let me break this down for you unwoke males out there. Not sexist = "I prefer my candidate's position over your candidate's position for reasons." Sexist = "I can't believe you support your candidate." Not sexist = "Did you see this good thing my candidate said about a position I know you support?" Sexist = "I'm posting/tweeting the latest meme/article/video that slams your candidate directly to you."
The reason the sexist things are sexist is because they imply that we, as women, are not capable of considering information for ourselves and making an informed choice. They imply that we don't interact with a wide variety of information. The men who engage in these actions are implying that they know better than we do and if they just question, mansplain, or yell at us enough we'llobey change our minds.
And it gets worse. Take a moment to ask a Hillary supporting woman in your life who is active online to tell you about the names she's been called, disgusting things she's seen, and even threats she's gotten. And it's going to get even worse if Hillary gets the nomination as we move into the general election.
Women don't need you to speak up because we're weak and can't speak up for ourselves. We need you to do it because if the guys engaging in these behaviors cared about women's voices, they wouldn't be engaging in them in the first place. I really don't think it's too much to ask of those of you who have benefited from the male privilege bestowed upon you by a patriarchal culture to when you see something, say something. Also don't make the mistake of ignoring that some of the behavior directed towards male Hillary supporters is a result of the fact they are betraying the patriarchy by supporting a woman. Feminism is for the benefit of both men and women.
You don't have to support Hillary Clinton to call yourself a feminist. But if you don't support women who support Hillary Clinton and call yourself a feminist, you're a hypocrite.
I am perfectly capable of making my own informed choices, and I look fabulous in black.
Holler at your boys.
Those things I listed there are just a few of the things men have recently taken it upon themselves to mansplain what they feel is wrong with me. Most people would agree that a man trying to dictate how a woman behaves or what she does with or how she displays her own body is sexism. Many men are quick to jump on the bros when this overt sexism occurs. But when men attempt to belittle the political opinions of women and badger their way into our spaces and conversations, many of you guys are not so quick to holler at your boys. And you are especially slow on the trigger to holler at your boys when they come at us girls who support Hillary.
Let me break this down for you unwoke males out there. Not sexist = "I prefer my candidate's position over your candidate's position for reasons." Sexist = "I can't believe you support your candidate." Not sexist = "Did you see this good thing my candidate said about a position I know you support?" Sexist = "I'm posting/tweeting the latest meme/article/video that slams your candidate directly to you."
The reason the sexist things are sexist is because they imply that we, as women, are not capable of considering information for ourselves and making an informed choice. They imply that we don't interact with a wide variety of information. The men who engage in these actions are implying that they know better than we do and if they just question, mansplain, or yell at us enough we'll
And it gets worse. Take a moment to ask a Hillary supporting woman in your life who is active online to tell you about the names she's been called, disgusting things she's seen, and even threats she's gotten. And it's going to get even worse if Hillary gets the nomination as we move into the general election.
Women don't need you to speak up because we're weak and can't speak up for ourselves. We need you to do it because if the guys engaging in these behaviors cared about women's voices, they wouldn't be engaging in them in the first place. I really don't think it's too much to ask of those of you who have benefited from the male privilege bestowed upon you by a patriarchal culture to when you see something, say something. Also don't make the mistake of ignoring that some of the behavior directed towards male Hillary supporters is a result of the fact they are betraying the patriarchy by supporting a woman. Feminism is for the benefit of both men and women.
You don't have to support Hillary Clinton to call yourself a feminist. But if you don't support women who support Hillary Clinton and call yourself a feminist, you're a hypocrite.
I am perfectly capable of making my own informed choices, and I look fabulous in black.
Holler at your boys.
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