Sunday, June 8, 2014

Digestion Problems

Behold: Teen's Digest. You'll need an SPF 550 to protect yourself from the RF (ridiculous factor) and possibly a barf bag.

Let's take a look at one of the articles from the site: Does He Like You?

#5 He's Touchy
"Guys usually show what they want if they want it. Is he touchy when you guys talk? Does he rub your arm? Or purposely nudge you? Or put his hand on your leg? If the answer’s yes for all three of those, he probably likes you! Guys want to be obvious and show that they want you. And the best way to show you, is to touch you. Don’t take being touchy in a weird way. Don’t think that he just wants to use you physically or anything. Some guys don’t even have that intention! They just want you to know that you should feel comfortable with their presence."

If guys you haven't defined boundaries with touch you without your consent, it doesn't mean they like you. It means rape culture is real.

#4 He's Looking at Your Lips
"Guys are so obvious when it comes to their body language. Usually guys are always down to kiss. You want to know if he wants to kiss you or not? Keep track of where his eyes are. Is he looking at your lips? He probably wants to kiss you if he is. Is he biting his lip? He probably wants to kiss you. Is he licking his lips? Oh, girl! HE WANTS TO KISS YOU. Now show him that you want to kiss him too! Look at his lips, lick your lips, and bite your lower lip! I’m sure you’ll get a kiss if you do so! You don’t usually just kiss anyone. Kisses mean a lot to some people. Kisses usually mean “I want you. I like you.” If he has the nerve to sneak in a kiss, that means he likes you. Because some guys are way to shy to make a move."

Girls, please. Please don't watch his eyes or sit in stalker mode waiting for him to lick his lips. It could just be dry outside or he could be thirsty. Oh girl! If he wants to kiss you, he'll kiss you. If you want to kiss him, take two steps toward him and look right in his eyes. You'll know.

#3 He Can't Stop Smiling at You
"I’m telling you, guys are so transparent. If he’s sad, he’ll show that he’s sad. If he’s mad, he’ll show that he’s mad. If he’s happy, he’ll show that he’s happy. When he’s with you, and he’s always smiling, he probably loves your company. He loves being with you and he loves just seeing you. He admires you beauty and is grateful at the fact that he is just staring straight at you. Guys also love the little things. They love seeing you happy. They love seeing you smile. They love seeing that you happiness is because of them."
OMG every guy I know wants me. NOT.

#2 He's Genuinely Nice to You
"Let’s be real. Some guys can be super rude! But when a guy likes you, he will be super nice to you. Not just a nice like he’d be to a random stranger, but a genuine nice. He will not be rude to you. He will not say anything to offend you. And he’ll compliment you a lot. And if he really likes you, he’ll even tease you. Literally, he will drop everything to be with you. He’ll ditch his friends to be with you. He’ll change his plans to be with you. No guy ever gives you the time of day unless he is interested in you."

Because the only reason a guy would be nice to you is because he wants to tag and bag you. Because relationships between men and women are defined by stereotypes. RIDICULOUS

#1 You Just Have a Gut Feeling
"Always trust your gut. You think he likes you? Then he probably does. He seems like he puts so much effort into impressing you. It seems like he does all this cute stuff for you and only you. It seems like he just wants to make you happy. It seems like he’s interested. Although, be careful. Try asking him and tell him to be straightforward. Be careful though. Because when asking him, you’re taking a risk and it could go either way. But their way, hope all goes well for you!"Try this. Live your life. Do your thing. Enjoy people. Follow the path, don't try to dictate it.

Want to know if a guy likes you? He truly cares about you, appreciates you, he's there for you, and most importantly, he does these things without any expectations except for your friendship. He's not the guy you meet on Saturday night and are "in a relationship with" a few weeks later. He's the guy who has been a part of your life and all the things that have created your relationship have made it real. There's absolutely nothing wrong with casual dating. It's fun, most of us do it.  But it's not a substitute for reality. 

If you're caught up in worrying about whether or not a guy "likes" you and your goal in life is to find yourself a "boyfriend," I feel sorry for you. You are missing out on some of the best parts of life and relationships. But, if this is your mindset, you might as well keep reading Teen Digest. They have great advice for you like:


Please note that in the introduction, I advised the potential need for a barf bag.

A few personal words regarding one of my own relationships, a thank you of sorts. I found myself in a position of extreme hurt, anger, and disappointment last night. A good friend of mine was one of many people who were there for me, and stayed up until after 3AM even though he had to work today. This is not someone I'm "dating" but is someone who has taken the time to put up with my madness to the point he's earned my trust, which is something I do not give easily. I'm going to kill him via chat later. But still, THIS.


  1. Garbage like this is everywhere. Wouldn't it be a blast to publish a periodical for teenagers that was the antithesis of this? Like, actually helpful information? It could focus on positive self-image, have how-to articles for everything from changing a flat tire to filing taxes, interviews with cool people, recipes. . . I daydream about this hypothetical periodical all the time.

  2. Madison, I found your blog from a news article that had your message to Sarah Palin on it. before that, I'd read your message to Phyllis Schlafly. Being that I'm also a writer, an opinionated woman unafraid to speak my mind, (oh, alright, it's impossible for me not speak my mind if I'm being honest lol) and have more than a passing interest in politics and certain issues, I had to come check out your blog. This article is so sad. Not to mention quite offensive to the male population, making them seem like simple, predictable creatures ruled by desires, and incapable of unselfish thoughts. Its my hope that more young women will listen to voices like yours, and less to voices like the ones writing the above article.